My name is Jo Schmollinger, and I am a CBYX scholar for the 2016-17 school year.
It still feels weird saying that. I have spent the past 7 months writing, editing, re-editing, re-re-editing, submitting, interviewing and waiting, all in hopes of receiving the CBYX scholarship to study abroad in Germany for a year. Study abroad has always been a dream for me, and CBYX seemed like the perfect way to make that dream come true. Until I was rejected.
Technically, it wasn't rejection. Alternate status. I had to confirm it and everything. But in my mind, Germany and the year I had imagined for myself were no longer a possibility. I stopped listening to German pop music, stopped obsessively watching exchange videos on YouTube (I recommend checking out Kieko Menna's channel if you're interested.) and stopped using German in everyday conversation. I wasn't able to just forget the whole thing either because one of my close friends had actually gone through the whole process with me and had been selected as a finalist. I was proud of her and I was glad she was happy, but there was a part of me that was still insanely jealous of the conference calls, the home interviews, and the pre departure materials she was getting.
AFS had said that most alternates get called up within the first 2 weeks, once finalists chose whether or not their taking the scholarship. The first two weeks passed, then three, and I hadn't heard anything from AFS. It was at this point that I really began to accept that fact that I was not going to Germany next year. I started to think less and less about the scholarship, and I was actually getting excited for junior year at home, even though I knew it was going to be tough being here while my close friend was abroad. I was starting to forget about studying abroad in high school. I would do it in college like most people.
Two weeks later, I got an email from CBYX. The subject line was "Program Status Update-Action Requested". I did not appreciate how cryptic this was, because Gmail on my phone would not load, and I ended up standing in the middle of the sidewalk for about 5 minutes trying to get this email to open. Once I finally read the first "Congratulations", I was the lunatic who was not only standing in the middle of the sidewalk, but was also crying in the middle of the sidewalk. After that, I called my mom, my dad and pretty much everyone else I knew because I could not wait to tell people. I sent my acceptance form in that night, and I have been steadily experiencing my own onslaught of conference calls, home interviews and pre departure materials since then.
I don't even know how to describe everything I have been feeling since I got my acceptance email. There's so much excitement, but there is also nervousness and sadness and guilt about leaving my friends and family. I know that I am going to have an amazing year next year, and I am going to gain so much. But I'm also going to have to face challenges that I never have before, which is scary. I am looking forward to the personal growth and change that will result from this year, and I am almost glad that my CBYX experience started out the way it did. I have already learned a valuable lesson about dealing with rejection and disappointment, and I haven't even gotten my visa yet.
